Break a Leg

Hey, kids.

I just thought, as a help to get conversations and activity going here on the site that I would post this little collumn to stimulate creativity, thoughtfulness, and interest in our little artistic endeavor...or as David likes to call it, "sitcom". So, go ahead: ask me something. Anything.

Jen

Here is something more open ended.
Do your feet point in opposite directions?

You ever spooned an apple??

not really a question, but after reading simona's post, i got an image of JJB spooning with a giant apple in bed. it was really funny and...strangely erotic...

Q: Do my feet point in opposite directions?
A: Yes, but not at the same time.

Q: Have I ever spooned an apple?
A: Oddly enough, St. Kevin, I did date the Fruit of the Loom apple for a short period. She was into role play and I knew a guy in the costume department...

Keep 'em comin'

You're trapped in a room with no doors and no windows.
At your disposal are nothing but a mirror and a plain wooden table.
How do you escape?

We ever gonna meet your family??

Do .. do you have a family, Jennifer??

Let me get Anna's, Jen.

You look in the mirror, you see what you saw, you take the saw and cut the table in half -- two halves make a hole, you climb out of the hole.

How's that?

Is that seriously the answer? that's damn cool, I just know the murder mystery one, same situation except instead of a mirror and a table it's a dead person in a puddle of water, how'd this person die?

Dun Dun duuuuuu.

Hmm, that's an interesting answer, but mine is slightly more...if not precise, then dramatical: This is obviously a pocket dimension, one of the more literal ones. I take my answer from the Mac Nac Feegle: Craw Step. Enough said.

And yes, I have lots of family. Will you ever meet them? How should I know? I'm an artist, not a fortune-teller.

So you have Scandinavian relatives, right?

Yes, I come from a long line of Scandinavian countrymen and women. In fact, I am a direct male-line decendant of the famous Bethany "The Red" Bradley, one of the fiercest vikings in his day.

i have been watching "Firefly" for the first time, and i just saw the scene where they discuss eating apples with a knife. is this where you got the idea, or did you, too find a grenade (or something equally deadly) in a fruit?

Jennifer, where do babies come from!?

Mint took my question. =[

I suppose I'll have to go with the two other most obvious questions.

1) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
2) Have you ever committed arson?

Kevin, first off, I must commend you in your choice of viewing materials. I myself am a Browncoat. The whole knife/fruit thing is unrelated to Firefly, though. When we first started shooting, Yuri wasn't quite clear on what he wanted to do with Jennifer, so I just grabbed a bunch of stuff from home and it just kinda worked out that way. It least that's how I think it happened. Yuri can probably add more detail to that.

Mint, babies come out of a woman about 9 months after a man and a woman have unprotected conjugal relations with successful copulation.

Hannah,
1) Seem unattainable. People always want what they can't have more than that which is easily attainable.

2)Arson: noun. Law. the malicious burning of another's house or property, or in some statutes, the burning of one's own house or property, as to collect insurance.
...Nope, no arson here. Now, had you asked me "Have you ever set anything on fire just to watch it burn," well, that would have been different. And of course, I'm a great believer in art through conflagration.

Oh, and Dash, I believe the dead man in question was walking along (prior to his demise, of course) and there happened to pass unnoticed by him an ice cube, which he trod on, slipped and fell, and broke his neck in the process. Then the ice melted and became said puddle. N'est pas?

Jennifer, what's the deal with the moustache?

I have the question!

So, if a tree fell in a forest, and there's no-one around to hear it - does it make a noise?

I have the question!

So, if David dies in a warehouse, and there's no-one around to hear it - does he make a noise?

:P

Ooh, harsh. :P

Break a Leg and Firefly, my two favorite things in the world.
Arrested Development would make that three I suppose.

Another question: Where does your mustache go when it takes a temporary vacation from your face? (As we so breifly saw in a scene from Ep. 1).

Somewhere exciting and exotic I hope.

Yep, that's pretty much it, although there's also an icicle version, but then I should have specified that there was blood as well.

Oh what an exciting topic.

My Question however, deals with the Biomechanics of circulation.

At what point does the Fahraeus-Lindqvist effect occur and is it in any way related to the decrease in wall shear stress? In addition, what is the name for the effect in which the diamter of the blood vessel decreases, forcing the red blood cells to squeeze through, often passing in only single file?

Bah! I had written a brilliant and comprehensive post answering all those questions and it's gone! GONE! *Sigh* I will have to start over and hope to match the genius...

Part I: The Moustache.
Yes, I know the mystery of Jennifer's moustache has been weighing heavily on all your minds. The truth of the matter is...I have MIS, or Moustache Inconsistency Syndrome. It's an ailment that affects maybe one in ten thousand people. And a lot of the time people with this affliction can't even grow a moustache, like women or Native Americans. More often than not, people aren't even aware that they have this condition, or that it even exists. Unfortunatley, for me, the effects are extremely apparent. And what with the short notice shooting schedule we here at Break a Leg employ, I have as yet found no suitable way to compensate for this disposition. Sure, I've tried prosthetic moustaches, but they never last long. Think of a plastic grape in the face of a mutant saber-tooth lime.

Ah, the old "tree falling in the woods" question. The fact of the matter is this: the act of the tree falling would cause vibrations in the air. For those vibrations to become "noise" they need to be perceived by somebody who processes the universe in that manner, i.e., people, insects, squirrels, birds; any typical inhabitant or visitor to said woods. Since there is nobody there to perceive the sound, there is no sound to be perceived. It's like: you can't have a cheese pizza when there is no pizza to melt the cheese onto.

David, however, would make a noise if he died in a warehouse and nobody was around to hear it. HE would be there to hear it. And it would probably be a whiny little noise.

I have a question Jennifer! When will there be support for images in the boards? If at all. Also, is there chance for a real forum? :) Because, I would really like one.

Oh, Mackie, Mackie, that's a technical question. And while I applaud and strongly encourage your artistic urges, I cannot speak to the proliferation of said services. But now that you've mentioned it hear, I'm sure those responsible for such things will keep it in mind. I erpsonally think it's a fantastic idea. Meanwhile, I await more of your work.

And don't think that one slipped by me, Dashiell. An answer of that magnitude requires some preparation.

r u my father?

and if not u, then who?

oh and also, how do rainbows die?

Zean: Am I your father? Well, now, I'll need some more info to go on to be able to answer that with any possibility of accuracy. So now I must ask YOU some questions. (Oh, sweet irony)

1) What is you blood type?
2) Who is your mommy?
3) Where were you born?
4) When were you born?
5) Can you make fart noises with your hands?
6) Who does Number 2 work for?
7) What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
8) How many boards would the Mongols horde if the Mongol Hordes got bored?
9) What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?
10) You gonna eat that?

As for your second question: Rainbows die when you pee on kittens. That goes for all of you, and you know who you are.

...Will you marry me?

Woah.
My post is all weird-like.

Hmm, we seem to have run out of white stuff...

Oh, Hannah, Hannah, I am flattered...this is so sudden. However, I, Jennifer, must decline. I cannot tell you exactly why at the moment, because that would give away plot secrets, but all will become clear in time. Would that I could split myself in twain and grant your every wish. C'est la vie.

just spitballing here: this means that jennifer is either in a relationship, getting married, or is gay (or in love with apples).

hmmm....

Place your bets!

Jennifer, if you're married, you should consider polygamy.
It's a very rewarding lifestyle.
I won't give up hope...
Although I have to say, that is quite possibly the sweetest way I've ever been turned down.
I've been turned down a total of... one time.
[Including Jennifer.]

Hannah,

If you consider a 60 year old man marrying a 13 year old girl to be his 4th wife a "very rewarding lifestyle", and not totally f***ing creepy, well then, hon, we need to talk...

No, I didn't mean that at all.
I just meant that if you're already married, you should marry me, too.
[REAL polygamy is insanely awful and creepy.]
...I guess I just don't take rejection well.
Can we still make this relationship work?

wait, jennifer is 60?

it doesn't show...

No, Kevin, I am not 60. Nor do I have 3 wives. I was throwing out those numbers to illustrate a point. To illustrate, as we all know, means to explain using pictures or sketches (art). I was painting for you a picture with words, not of myself, but of a rather disturbing situation that does in fact exist in even contemporary society in an effort to disuade Hannah from her romantical notions.

And Hannah, of course we can make the relationship work. So far, I've only said I couldn't marry you.

I thought you meant you were sixty too. I thought you had, in your old age, forgotten your actual old age.

Jennifer is really, really old.

Yeah, I'm just good at what I do.

Jennifer: why is this thread so darned popular?

also: a topic in a message board is called a thread, which can be seen as a metaphor for one small piece that when put together with other pieces makes a larger piece of fabric. what type of fabric or clothing item do you think the BaL message board is?

Jennifer, if you could be a tree, what type of tree would you be and why?

Kevin: As to the popularity of this string, well, I think it's all rather self-explanitory. As in: I, me,myself, am the explanation. I am awesome, therefore this thread is awesome.
Perhaps that's a bit egotistical. I'll try another one. This thread stimulates creativity, which is a key element in any artistic endeavor, and people want to be a part of that. Therefore it is because of your participation that makes this such a great thread. With everybody contributing, we have made a truly fantastic artistic entity which grows more magnificent with each addition.
As for the second part: Paisley. Ooo, or corduroy. No, actually, I tell a lie. The site is like finest silk. Burgundy silk underwear that makes you want to...I should stop right there.

Jessica: I would be a redrood tree. These soaring, magestic spires of nature stand for centuries in the warm Californian sunshine, overlooking some of the most beautiful stretches of coastline in the world. And they smell nice.

Why aren't you people asking my stuff? I've got TONS of answers. Like "Viscous, carniverous, orchard chickens" and "I'm in a toob!" Let's get cracking, people.

Have you ever considered changing your name?

And if so, would you change it to Prusda?

I have often thought of changing my name, though not because I think there is anything wrong with the name Jennifer. Art is about experiencing different things or the same things from a different side. In that vein, I suppose I would consider the spirit of the name Prusda, though not necessarily the name itself. I mean, it calls to mind a comely and somewhat dumpy Slavic woman with a bit of a mustache and an elbow for a chin. Mustache aside, I don't think I could pull off that kind of name.

Mr. J.J.B, I have yet another question.

Is everything Mr. Penn says a question?

Nick,

Despite appearances, not EVERYTHING David says is a question. However, I understand how you might come to that conclusion. There is definitely something about that lad that virtually screams for more information. The amount of things he knows nothing about is ever increasing. Basically, he's the Jewish Arthur Dent.

Arthur Dent -- yes!

Anyone notice our homage with the bathrobe? Only if you're a Hitchhiker's Guide fan, of course..