Break a Leg

I do! I bask. I'm basking. Ooooh yeah.

Jennifer, where does the term "blooper" come from?

The term "blooper" derives from the ancient German word "bleupe", as in "mother has mistook the arsenic for sugar once again, oh what a dame". Only the Germans could fit so much into one syllable. The word was adopted by the English language in 1959 by Henry Schwartzhaus when filming the epic "So Much For Tea" when Arnold Rammacker had to do a scene 78 times over before he could finally say "If this mitten isn't fitting, then I'm smiting your banjo". In these modern times, it simply means a cinematographic f*&% up in hilarity generally ensues.

jennifer, i may have to retire from the "ask jennifer" section if you end up killing david, depending on how cool his death is.

as for my question: is the sword in the new conversation your sword from your pirate lifestyle?

Kevin,

That is, in fact, one of my pirate swords. Last year my captain got married to his first mate (har har) and it was a pirate themed wedding. All us groomsmen wore white, poofy shirts, burgundy sashes and black pants (except Hardbarrel, who wore a black kilt) I ordered the sword particularly for the ceremony.

Jennifer:
Are you wearing eyeliner in "Jen-Ashamed"? It looks like it.

Jenny,

Yes, I was wearing eye liner. I was trying to look overly dramatically remorseful, though I admit that I may have been a little heavy-handed in the application. I find that without a little make-up with my coloring, my features tend to get pretty washed out. However, I'm used to doing make-up for stage, which requires a more aggressive approach.

Jennifer,

why are you so out of touch with the supposed 'center of [your] being'?

Oh, Femke, you cut to the heart of me. To the heart. It started off as a whirl-wind romance. But as we all know the star that burns brightest burns fastest. We tried to make it work, but we were like two ships passing in the night. She couldn't appreciate my artistic genius and I could not begin to comprehend her world of numbers. But at the end of the day, it was always about her. Except for that time I had an affair. And Swamblers. She was dead set against that. Oh, and then there was that time...well, nevermind.

I guess the short answer is that I'm a self-centered megalomaniac with the mental capacity to understand little more than the world that I make up in my own head.

Jennifer, will you write me a limerick?

It's just something I've always wanted.

I'd settle for a haiku.

There once was a Swambler named Anna
With a smile that was sweeter than banana.
When she showed up in town
A-howling were hounds.
Don't mess with her when she wears her bandana.

There ya go, little lady. Ask and you shall receive.

Ooh! Ooh! Can I have one? Pretty please?

There once was a girl named Jenny
Who had broken the hearts of many
She watched Break A Leg
Then bought me a keg
And she my lucky penny.

Seeing as we're on the topic of limericks (love 'em), this one is for you, Jennifer:

There once was a man named Jennifer
And we're sure it's a him, not a her
It may seem quite strange
It's a Scandinavian name
Y'know, that place with all the heifer.

Very nice. Thanks, Nick!
And that last line of mine should be "And now she's my lucky penny." I was in a rush. And grammar was never my strong suit.

Question: Do you, or have you ever, work at a Renaissance Fair? All your current pirate talk just reminds me of the Renaissance Fair at home that... my FRIEND... works at.

Maggie,

I have never worked a ren faire, but I've been to several. The ones I've been to I was only marginally impressed with, but I felt they were too over-priced. It's like most of the vendors order their stuff online and THEN sell it at a mark-up. And I hate standing in line for a small cup of beer.

Mostly my crew and I go to WAR, which is an SCA event. I much prefer it. We get to go camping for at least the weekend, we're in garb the whole time, there's cooler things to buy and you don't feel pressured to buy them right away: you can mull it over, lots of fun stuff goes on at night, and I don't have to stand in line for beer. Oh, and there are about 3000 people walking around with live steel (sharp pointy things for the layman) and there are NO FIGHTS. The next one is in May. I just got my new canvas tent. And my parents just got me a digital camera for my birthday so I'll be sure to take plenty of pictures for the blog that will follow that weekend.

Jennifer,
Can you play any instruments?

Hannah, I play the trumpet, but it's been a while so I'm pretty rusty.

Jenny, think of it as future past-tense narrative.

Sorry Jennifer, but I'm not old enough to buy you a keg. Legally, that is.

Jennifer, I won't ask you to write me a limerick (that would just be mean) but riddle me this: why is your photo gallery so sparse? (We could really use a pin-up of Chase in his sexy wig.)

Femke,

A) You're getting a limerick.
B) You'll have to ask Yuri and the mods about the photos. In fact, hound them about the photos. Get everybody you know to bug them. I've been bugging them for a year to get some photos and they ain't sent me diddly. They are extremely busy people, and this is proven by the lack of response I get when asking for pics which I only want to use to add content to the site. Bitch and moan, bitch and moan.

And now: your limerick...

Femke was one hell of a fan
She came up with a master plan
North of the border
In no short order
She got everyone into the Break A Leg clan

Hey, Jen-ashamed left me a bit confused... Why would David sleep with your wife if he loves amber?! I mean, before he met amber, he didn't know you, or your wife, so he couldn't have slept with her, unless it was during the casting...? I don't know, did I miss something?
Love the show! You guys are hilarious!

Jenny V,

All will be revealed.

You say you love the show? Well, know what? We love you.

JJB

is "John" going to post on here again? i remember she used to post as "Jennifer's Wife" for a little while, but i don't remember seeing her recently.

Well, when you see the next part of my saga, that might answer your question.

Jennifer,

any advice for those fans out there with broken hearts? Being recently jilted yourself?

Yeah, the best advice is: move on. Forget about them. Cry your eyes out for a little while, do something stupid maybe, but get past them. Broken hearts can be mended, but only with time and the love of friends and family. And get a hobby: something that has nothing to do with the other person. Of course, early on EVERYTHING is going to remind you of that person. So, take your time. Wounds will heal. They will leave scars, but scars are reminders of the lessons we learn the hard way. If you need a rebound, go out and find yourself a rebound and have some fun. And don't feel guilty about anything. Tell yourself that there is nothing that you could have done differently because it the time you did what you thought was right or what was best and things still turned out this way. Shit happens. Hug a friend, drink some cocoa, sleep for a day, then get back up and get on with your life. You can look back, but never try to go back.

Wow, Jennifer--I don't know why I'm surprised at this deep and sensitive answer.

Let me ask you this question: we know you're a goldmine of artistic genius. But where do you tap your well of sensitivity and perspective?

(why are you so darn nice? Aside from the cheatin'?)

Why, thank you, Femke. A lot of it has to with my upbringing, a lot is life experience, and I think the rest is just in my nature...so you know...the usual places. And beer helps.

Hey, um, Jennifer?

If we call girl-bits a vagina-flower, what do we call boy-bits?

Any artist focus on blank-ablancas?

Femke,

Where have you been?

Man-hammer.

Oh my god, for a word I use (mentally) alllll the time, I completely forgot manhammer.

I made a little connection the other day where I thought you guys should use manhammers as arrows to point things out on your site, and now everytime I see an arrow I want to call it a manhammer.

Although I'm a fan of blank-ablanca. I think it would make for a great rap song, or something.

I've been silently watching, Jennifer. Silently. Watching. Hm. That brings up a very important question:

Should you want to stalk anyone outside their bedroom window, who would it be?

(oh stop, I'm flattered. *grin* But seriously, who else would you stalk?)

Hmmm, that's a difficult one, Femke...I don't think I would stalk any hot famous girls, though there are a few hot not-yes famous girls I stalk WOULD stalk...if I stalked anybody, because I don't stalk anybody NOW, I mean I have NEVER stalked anybody ever in my life, and I would never stalk Heather I MEAN I would never stalk anybody at all!

Ahem

But if I was going to stalk anybody, I'd stalk Martha Stewart. But not stalk like "watch her undress from the privacy of the tree outside her fifth story window in the maison in Vermont", but more like stalk her like a tiger stalks a deer. And then, when the moment was right, I would pounce on her and rip out her throat so that she would never be able to say a gorram thing again.

Shiny! *grin*

I love that response--it just had so many possible avenues of going in a terrible, terrible direction.

Okay, next one (you gotta work for it, right?) is which is better: your humour on the set or your humour impromptu? You can interpret "better" however you want.

That's a tricky one, F.O., because:
A) I think I'm a lot more funny than other people do, or at least I think I'm funny more of the time, or at least I can entertain myself for hours.
B) Sometimes improv is funny and sometimes a scene needs to be really well written, really well rehearsed, and really well executed to be funny. And when it's perfect, it's REALLY friggin funny. But then it's just the slightest bit off, it's not that funny.

Now, I should qualify this (and anybody who knows me will say "Oh god yes this is true) by saying that I am "on" All. The. Time. I am an actor to my core. If I'm not acting, then I am unconscious, and not just acting like I'm unconscious. And in that sort of state, you are going to have tides of humor: sometimes you're funny, sometimes you're not. It also depends on the people around you. Some people get your humor and love it. Some people get your humor and don't love it (although, this is a very small percent of people). Some people don't get your humor and STILL love it. Then there are the people that don't get it and don't like it. I call these people "Republicans".

am i mistaken, or did we hear a snippet of "house of the rose and dagger" in the latest conversation while you were whistling and walking away?

You are correct, Kevin. We shot several exits for me and I'm thankful the guys chose that one. Thanks for noticing. Incidentally, I'm working on a less cartoony version of the song, as well as several others. I'll let you know when they're ready.

I know I've been absent lately ... numbers have been keeping me busy (someone has to pay for Jennifer's sword collection!) However, now that he dueled for my honor ... it reminds me of when he first won my heart. Oh, honey, write me a limerick like you used to.

Of course, my dear.
*ahem*

There once was a woman named John
Or when I called her so, felt quite put upon.
At first she did shun me,
But a duel her heart won me
And her distain of the appellation is gone.

I once saw a marriage unfold
around confessions recently told
though of a nature quite distasteful
not a frame of that scene was wasteful
and your humour never gets old!

Swoon! Sword fighting and limericks ... what more could a girl ask for? How's that whole "Normal" thing working out so far, darling?

Well done, Femke!

Oh yeah, the whole being normal thing is going great. I've already submitted several job applications to some very prestigious organizations in the area, and I've gotten some very positive feedback. One gentleman actually called me "over qualified" for what could be considered to be a highly challenging and rewarding position within the company. I don't want to get your hopes up, but you may be looking at the next part-time bus boy at the Sizzler!

First dibs on any plate scrapings!

All you can eat, baby.

Nothing like a salad bar to get a girls heart racing!

Why do all the skanky people come from Nantucket?

Well, Dog Girl,

As you know, Nantucket is an island and therefore somewhat isolated from the rest of the continental U.S. (See "Wings") As is typical in such situations, the remoteness is corollary to a limited population size, and therefore not much choice of variety in breeding partners, which leads to, not to sound repetetive, in--breeding. The result of such pairings is often genetically degenerative (See "Deliverance"). This condition coupled with the tainted Atlantic cross-winds leads to a larger and more problematic epidemic known as "skank" (See camel toe, moose knuckle, and/or FUPA).

(Actually, don't see those, if you can avoid it)

Jennifer, do you know any recipes that use about 1.5 lbs of chocolate truffles?