Break a Leg

Let me start this off with a question, a very very simply question: what would you typically do while waiting for a pizza? Say you've walked into a pizza shop and ordered a whole pie, maybe even three (you're headed to a friend's house to watch the game, perhaps)? What would you do to pass the time? Not "what's the strangest thing you've done while waiting for a pizza?" No, what would you typically do?

Personally, I think what I would typically do (and this is also probably the strangest thing I've done) while waiting for a pizza is sit and wait. It's radical, I know, but that's the way I roll.

Keep that question and answer in the back of your mind for now, while I begin the tale of Late Again Films and the Commercial Shoot.

Through various channels, contacts and, undoubtedly, blowjobs, Yuri and the gang managed to secure a bona-fide Real Gig. I'm talking money, clients, the works. Yuri was kind enough to bring myself, Flynn, and Skip along for the ride; along with the usual crew of Dustin, Justin, Dashiell, Hillary, and Hugo (who actually didn't do anything on the shoot, the whole trip for him was a booty call).

The shoot was in Los Angeles this past weekend, which seemed a little odd considering that 99% of the talent, crew, and clients were travelling in from other cities and parts of the country, but whatever. As Yuri is so fond of telling me, "I don't pay you to think." My typical retort is usually "You don't pay me," but that wouldn't work this time so I had to keep my trap shut.

I arrived ostensibly two hours late, but having been around the block a few times I knew that was entirely irrelevant. They hadn't even started yet. We were shooting in a rather disgusting "office", and by that I mean "meth lab", in downtown LA. Picture it as a hard-boiled detective's office from a classic noir film, except he cooks meth and apparently tetanus there too. Oh, and it's really, really dirty. Yeah, now you got it.

The 1% of the cast that did not fly in from anywhere was a fellow named Matt Booth, Celebrity Jeweler. I think that last part is contractually required whenever I refer to him. Nice guy, good sport. Anyway, we had to knock his scenes out first because he was flying to a party that evening in, get this, Santa Rosa. Don't know where Santa Rosa is? Let's just say you get there by flying into San Francisco International Airport.

That's right kids, we all went to LA, then Matt wrapped and went to San Francisco. It gets weirder. The clients, the people who are paying us and who arranged this whole gig, they're going with him.

Right, so he's all wrapped and it's getting to be about dinner time. Gino (executive producer, good guy, fits right in with our brand of insanity as you'll soon see) heads out for pizza.

You see where I'm going with this, how I'm wrapping it all up? Lost ain't got shit on me. At least nobody in my story fucking time travels. What a mind-fuck it was last night.

So Gino is gone for a while, and when he finally gets back Yuri (as he relates to me later) notices something different about him. Let's re-enact it:

Yuri: Gino, did you... get a haircut?

Gino: Yeah.

And there you have it. While Gino waited for the pizzas he, yes, got a haircut.

Now I guess there's really nothing wrong with that per se, I'm just fascinated by the inner workings of a mind that decides to get a haircut while waiting for food. He didn't even need it either. His hair was short, and when he got back it was just... shorter.

That covers up until dinner time on our epic weekend shoot. The footage should start being revealed soon, but I'll leave that up to Yuri to cover on his own. I'll be back next week with more exciting Tales of the Commercial Shoot.