Party Shuffle Is In Tune With My Instincts
| So
I wanted to talk today about something intangible; something we all
have, we all use, though we can't use it consciously. I've scoured my
Ent-like memory store for a suitable tale that will illustrate my own
most memorable brush with the true power of: INSTINCT. I'll also let you know what song is playing on my iTunes party shuffle, so that you can play the "Drew Lanning writing a blog entry" home game.
(Cities on Flame With Rock and Roll - Blue Oyster Cult)
Many years ago there was this ad I answered for an independent feature (the holy grail of amateur acting jobs at the time), and the guy had me come down to Palo Alto for the audition. Normally long hauls like that are nothing short of annoying but this guy was offering to pay $100 a day for the shoot, so I'm down for anything.
(Shaman's Blues - The Doors)
So I take the CalTrain down, which was about an hour ride or so? I really have no idea, it's just a great excuse to read a book and listen to music, I'm looking forward to it actually. The Palo Alto stop is right across from this shopping center, which is where this guy wants to meet for the audition, I'm thinking because it's just easier for me to find? What a nice guy! So we sit down at this outdoor cafe, not buying anything mind you, just sitting down. The waitresses are giving us weird looks. He just wants to sit for a few minutes and talk about the project before he does my audition, which he indicates we will be doing around the corner, like, against a random wall. Outdoors. While he's talking he pulls out a bag of turkey meat, and did I mention he's slurping off of a liter bottle of Sprite? He mentions he has some sort of low blood-sugar condition so he has to keep eating. He's nice enough to offer me some of his bag-turkey. I decline. We then do this audition around the corner and against the wall, after which time he sends me on my way.
(I Want To Live - Talking Heads)
So a couple days later he calls me up and offers me the part, which is like, OK. He mails me the script (email not such a big thing back then), and I see that there are several scenes that take place at night. In the forest. Involving human sacrifice. Now at this point my bells and whistles and klaxons are going off like crazy, but I give this bag o' turkey carrying nutball another chance, because the person I was at the time had a hard time telling people no, much less to fuck the fuck off. We meet that weekend in, you guessed it, Palo Alto Shopping Center, where we will all head out for the first day's shoot. I'll try to wrap this up.
(Gamma Ray - Beck)
So I get down there, and this other girl is there who's playing opposite me. The guy who cast us both says he has the wrong lens or something, and has to go to San Francisco to get it. This is like over an hour round trip mind you, but we decide to go ahead and wait, we are getting paid after all. Did I mention he has two buddies with him? They're Pacific Islanders, which hey, not a problem man! Except they are simultaneously the shortest, largest, and most humorless people on the face of the planet. Intimidating to say the least. While they're gone getting this "lens," a security guard at the mall comes up to us and says this guy has been randomly asking people if they "want to be in a movie", and that she had to throw him out a couple times. I decide at this point I'm done and head the fuck out. I call him when I get home and tell him I left, and why, and he asks "So, are you coming back?" (White Summer - Black Mountain Side - Led Zeppelin) That's instinct in action. The nice thing about age, is that with it comes experience. A jerk like that wouldn't get past the meeting in the mall parking lot with me today. It's hard to tell when your "instinct" is truly unconscious wisdom guiding you towards the right course of action, or just your general fear or laziness getting you out of something you don't feel like doing. In some cases they're all the same thing. In most cases it just doesn't matter. If you're listening to your inner Zen master and living in the moment, you'll have no problem running for your life when a wacko drinking from a liter bottle of Sprite offers you a job killing people in the woods at night.
(Memories Can't Wait - Talking Heads) - Proofreading (In the Morning - Junior Boys), (The Warning - NIN) - Publishing |
Posted on Thursday, July 31, 2008
by
Jimmy Scotch
in drew lanning
|
3 Comments
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Jimmy Scotch
in drew lanning
|
3 Comments
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Reader Comments (3)
Ha!
That's hilarious!
I was in a play once, someone saw it (no small feat in LA), liked my performance and left a note saying so at the front desk of the theatre. They said that they would be sending me a film script to look at very soon (he wanted me for one of the leads).
I was pretty excited. it was a high profile show in Hollywood and real people came to see it.
So I waited a few days and sure enough I got the script in the mail. All 5 pages of it. Handwritten. On various note papers, covered with cutesy stickers. I should have known I was in trouble when the guy addressed it to me in "Los Angeles, Heart of Movie Country" (or something like that). And there were stickers all over the stuffed envelope.
Worst of all, the script had major story issues.
Luckily, I never actually had to meet him like you did. But I'm sure it would've been a very similar situation (not sure I could've walked out though. Good for you!).
Ah, some of the people in the independent film business!
They're proof that the equipment is easy to use.
Nice story, and I'm curious about some of these songs I don't know.
I've had some odd auditions but not quite so odd as that...I tend to think I turn things down more nowadays not because I have alot going down, but because I have a higher crap-o-meter and decide to wait it out instead and find something worthwhile...then again, I help with break a leg, so there you go. I hate these people so much, but you and Robb are okay Jimmy.
Thanks for the feedback there, Robb. At least you actually live in the Heart of Movie Country.
Taco, your crap-o-meter already seems better than mine, and I hate you for it.
My wife has a great story of this director who spent an entire audition talking about how the actors should comport themselves on the Red Carpet. I need to get her to write about that.
I have another one about another short film I quit, I'll see if I can wrangle that into something interesting soon.