Break a Leg

Editor's Note: Hey, thanks for the various emails of support from fans asking if we've really quit. We haven't really quit, it was April Fool's Day and we were just being hilarious. A new, equally hilarious video is coming out Monday starring Chase Cougar, Francesca Scala and David Penn.

Oh, and Drew swears a lot. 

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I've made a harrowing journey this evening. An epic quest; to find something suitable to occupy the inner recesses of my mind and the outer periphery of my vision, as I compose my latest bloggal masterpiece for the apparently voluminous hordes of readers we have here at Break A Leg.

I've been channel surfing. Seeking something I know well enough that it won't distract me from the task at hand, but not so well that it bores me to tears. The other danger of knowing something too well, like say a beloved rerun of Seinfeld, is that you get sucked into the moments you know are just beyond the next commercial horizon, and can't get anything done then either.

I was only flipping through the channels (or really, flipping through the channel guide; does anyone flip the channels anymore?) for less than five minutes but it felt like an eternity. You know the feeling: what the fuck am I watching? Is this really on?

Last weekend I finally got around to going over to a friend's house recently that I hadn't seen in weeks, and he and his fiance mentioned that when they go to Tahoe they watch TV. They don't have cable at home, so they sit and stare to see what the rest of us do on a weekday evening. It was ghastly. I think they turned on the TV and saw an episode of American Idol, the one where the girl who really shouldn't be there sang "Proud To Be An American". I felt for them, I really did. I was watching that episode on purpose and felt mind-raped when she started singing.

So now I've settled on Alien, which is a perfect choice that fits all of my criteria for background watching, except for the fact that everyone is talking so fucking quietly! I have to keep adjusting the volume UP for dialogue and DOWN for music and sound effects, and it distracts me from this self-righteous cursing inspiration I'm having right now.

I sometimes ask myself if I'd stop and watch if I came across Break A Leg on a proper TV set. I mean, if I wasn't involved in it, obviously. It's really impossible to imagine hypotheticals like that. I mean, it's not impossible to imagine them I suppose, but impossible to imagine them and answer them honestly. You just don't know. I thought from the commercials that Arrested Development looked really stupid until I finally hunkered down and watched an episode about halfway through the first season.

Apparently the entire universe is succumbing to the effects of entropy, except for localized pockets in localized places; such as in a woman's womb during gestation, or while a flower is slowly pocketing its nutrients in the form of an apple, or even while I am forming the bubbles from a succulent wheat beer into a world-class ass-bomb.

Reality TV, however, is a classic example of entropy at work on our television networks. You can restore the useful energy to the universe by turning off Just For Laughs and reading a great book.