Break a Leg

Yuri has asked me today to talk about something finale-related, whatever that means. I had an entire article prepared about the beautiful, sublime, and delicious Atlantic Shad (A. sapidissima), but that will just have to wait, now won't it?

Did you know that shad can detect ultrasound?

Right, anyway, Monday's episode is the one you've all been waiting for, the Season Finale to end all Seasons Finales. All questions will be answered, all secrets revealed, all plotlines tied up in a neat little bow so that you stare at your monitor in disbelief for literally minutes upon minutes afterwards before you finally muster up the will to whisper softly, almost to yourself, "What the fuck was that bullshit all about?"

The truth is that I really don't remember what happens in the finale. We shot it, like, around 14 years ago. You know, a couple days after Yuri was born? I couldn't spoil anything for you if I tried. I actually stopped watching the show a month ago, it was just getting too predictable, like I knew exactly what was going to happen, and then it did! Wait, that was Desperate Housewives.

So it was nice that they jumped forward five years for Desperate Housewives, but then everyone still has all the same bullshit problems? Maybe that's a comment on our society or something, but I think it's just lazy writing.

There are some exciting things happening behind the scenes here at Late Again Films, mainly surrounding a couple of new projects that Yuri and Vlad have developed. One is something I can't really talk too much about, and coincidentally so is the other one. Wait a second... I'm laughing so hard that I need to catch my breath.

Actually I think I can slip some little details in. What you can look forward to (eventually, you know how fucking long it takes us to shoot something) is a brand-spanking new show that will turn your life upside down! It's a reality show about 14 San Francisco actors and their efforts to get a little internet sitcom noticed by the corporate fatcats that pull the strings in Hollywood. It's composed entirely of outtakes from Break A Leg.

Actually, that's not such a bad...

Of course I'm joking! Yuri and Vlad have come up with TWO new shows, both of them very good in a I-hope-you-like-network-television sort of way. They're actually very good, I've read them. Of course I liked The Quick and the Dead, so what do I know?

The first will not be produced by us, but is being shopped around to folks that had expressed interest in Break A Leg but wanted to see something different. It's called XXXXX XXX XXXX, and basically XXXXX quits his job in XXXX, then returns to XXXXX to try and get back into XXXXXX. It takes place in XXX XXXXX, so shooting it ourselves is just too fucking XXXXXXXXX.

The second project is what we're starting work on now, and is called XXXXXX. You can probably Google that name and come up with some mentions already, it's not really a big secret. I think the title even made a cameo in a recent Break A Leg episode! It's basically about a XXXX XX XXXXXX XX X XXXXXXXXXXX who X X and XX X asshole XXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, the new guy, Sammy! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. I'm in it, too.

So that's that! Yuri will no doubt censor some of the details I have divulged about the two new shows, though hopefully he does it with some taste and removes sensitive details, while still letting you get a feel for what to expect from these brilliant concepts.

If you're in SF over the next four weekends you can see me in a new play called March To November. We open this Thursday (well, tonight). Head to my website at www.drewlanning.com for more details.

Also if you watch daytime television you may notice me and my dulcet tones pitching Sunsweet Prunes. Look for people eating prunes at a farmer's market-type thing. That's my voice talking to them, and at the very beginning that's me pretending to lay out the bags of prunes. My wife is actually in some versions of the commercial too!