Break a Leg

From the mind of Mr. Drew Lanning [Jimmy "Goat Legs" Scotch] to Mr. Tim Goodman -- SF Gate TV Critic:

Timtimtimtimtimtimtimtimtimtimtimintmtimtimtimtimtim. Tim.

Look here, Tim. There's a writer's strike going on, and you're a television critic. Unless you want to be writing about unscripted television (I refuse to call it reality) nine times a week come January you'll read this letter with an open mind. I can only imagine that writing about unscripted TV fare is only marginally preferable to wondering what caliber pistol to shove into your mouth the next time you hear the Survivor theme.

I love television. I know I don't love television as much as you do, but I dearly love TV. I spend countless hours each day trying to instill the same feeling for my erstwhile babysitter in my two-year-old. Countless. Hours.

Have you ever watched a show on television that you realize, maybe not all at once, but somehow gradually-- or shit, whatever, maybe all at once. Anyway, you come to realize that this show, this very show you're watching right now, is the reason television was invented? Not literally the reason of course, I'm not implying you're an idiot, but, I mean, you know what I mean?

I'm not necessarily saying Break A Leg is that show (it can be, one day), I'm not.

But Tim, Timmy, neither is Project Runway. Or 24. Or Pushing Daisies.

Okay, maybe Pushies Daisies. And Damages. And The Riches. But you like all of those shows and talk about them, a lot. Especially Runway. Seriously man, what's going on with you and Project Runway?

What's my point? Good question. Good, good question.

Damn that's a good question.

Tim, I'm not the brightest guy in the world. I'm the brightest guy on Break A Leg, but that ain't sayin' a lot. I get up in the morning, go to work, come home and wash the dishes like any average schmuck, then somehow scrape together the energy for a long day of shooting with the incredible cast and crew (trivia fact: 100% overlap between cast and crew) of Break A Leg.

Also like any average schmuck, I have a dream. My dream is to quit my stinking job. I've found a better stinking job, but that job right now pays in kosher dogs. In order to get it to pay in money, we need viewers. To get viewers, we need exposure.

Tim, you are that exposure.

I'm not even asking you to like the show. I'm just asking you watch it. If you like it, great, shout it from the roof of the Chronicle building. Better yet, write about it in your column, or even on your blog.

Oh and Tim, if you don't like it, enjoy Project Runway.