Yuri: Hey, everyone. Gino's going to be a little late, so I'm going to take a few extra jabs. I'd like to start off by saying that yes, my team wears Teal, I've accepted it. I think it's meant to represent the sexy coloring of a Shark. However, Gino's team, the Canadiens, are a very Christmas-ey red and blue. In other words, the match-up tonight are the fearsome Sharks versus the Christmas Trees. I shiver in my teal-colored boots.

YURI: Oh wow, that took all of one minute to score. Scored by the Sharks. By one Patrick Marleau. A Canadian. Oh, the delicious irony.

Gino: I'm a little late, my team is down 2-1 to a teal covered team named after an aquatic creature that represents a city that is nowhere near a beach. How does the world make sense right now?

Yuri: Leading 2-1 in 5 minutes.. that, if you don't watch hockey, isn't so common unless your goalie is a plank of driftwood hoping desperately to stop pucks being shot at him. Oh, by the way, a Canadian team named "Canadiens" -- that's creativity right there.

Gino: also, for those of you that aren't very familiar with hockey at this point San Jose (Yuri's team) is beating Montreal (my team) which translates to his team of Canadian players are beating my team of Russians 

Yuri: It's a beautiful little irony of life. On a completely unrelated topic, do the Southwest Airlines commercial want to make anyone else commit suicide?

Gino: I live in Brooklyn, so I'm getting the San Jose feed. Why is Al from Tool Time in all of your commercials?

Yuri: It's the only job he could get. What did you expect, Al in a hard-hitting political drama? On an unrelated note, did anyone else completely hate Syriana? I know it was supposed to be the best movie ever, but I think I'd rather watch the Southwest Commercials over and over then to sit through that awful, rant-y mess.

Gino: They just showed a "classic" moment from San Jose's long, rich history. I think it was from a tie game all the way back in 2006. Tradition.... 

Gino: The Sharks are now on, what in hockey is described as a "powerplay" what that means is that Montreal commited a "foul" and one of their players has to sit in a box for two minutes and ponder his mistake while San Jose plays with an extra player on the ice. If you still don't understand, that's because you live in San Jose and you don't even know that you have a hockey team.

Yuri: One way to get a "powerplay" is to shoot the puck purposefully over the fence because you're terrified of the other team. This happens rarely because you have to be fairly dumb to do it. Not only did Montreal just do that, one of their defensemen just shot the puck directly into the shin of his own teammate. This is why no one takes Canada seriously. 

Gino: I'm sure that there are many other reasons to not take canada seriously, but I find it seriously sad when the Sharks give up a goal to a teenager that has never before put the puck in the net in his professional career. 2-2. And even though it's tied, it still feels like Montreal is winning.

Yuri: It takes a lot of losing to willingly suggest that, "even though it's tied, it still feels like Montreal is winning." It's because it's taken 15 years for Montreal to remember how to score.

Gino: Yuri's right. The Canadiens haven't won a Stanley Cup in 15 years. Luckily, he's been very fortunate watching the Sharks not win it all, not win it all, not win it all, not win it all, over and over again. 

Yuri: We're waiting for the second period. We'll be back in minutes to insult each other further.

Yuri: Goal! 3-2 for the good guys.

Gino: Yes, Montreal is losing, for now. I take pleasure in the fact that my girlfriend just mentioned that the Sharks uniform is "pretty" like a prom dress

Yuri: I'll take pretty over losing.

Gino: San Jose has combined both pretty and losing throughout their entire franchise history. I wonder if the team's motto is always the bridesmaid, never the bride. And by bridesmaid i mean dressed like one.

Yuri: To be fair, the Sharks were created roughly around the time that Montreal won their last cup. That said, Montreal has had so many players torn apart by their crazed-foaming-at-the-mouth fans that if San Jose is the bridesmaid, Montreal is the 60 year old bride who's rounding on her 10th bitter marriage. 

Gino: If marriage is a metaphor for championships, Montreal has been proposed to 24 times while the Sharks have spent their lives going as far as the backseat of a used Chevy with the best man's unemployed 2nd cousin. Oh the memories...PS Habs just tied it 3-3. Hehe, posts are so much more fun when your team scores while you're posting.

Yuri: You know what's more fun? When your team's enforcer -- which is basically a huge dude who doesn't play hockey that well but smashes people in the face and defends the talented players -- shoots the puck from like 50 feet away from the net, and it bounces off the goalie (piece of driftwood?) and goes in. Sharks lead 4-3. Scored by a bruiser who just scored his first goal all year.

Yuri: 5-3. A goal by the little indian that could, Jonathan Cheechoo. One of our players who grew up on an Island in Canada, came all the way to the Sharks just to score the prettiest goal against Montreal.

...dammit, now it's 5-4.

Gino: So for those of you that were confused by the Sharks taking a "Too many men on the ice" penalty, i'll make simple sense of it for you. There are only 5 players (besides the goalie) that are allowed on the ice per team. The Sharks put 6 on the ice. That means their coach is okay when it comes to counting up to 3 or maybe 4 but 5 and 6 seriously confuse the hell out of him. But he shouldn't feel so bad. There are plenty of other people that have trouble counting to 5...like Walt Disney in his current state and the statue of liberty, all who have won the same amount of Stanley cups as the San Jose Sharks. Yay!

Yuri: I'd just like to say that a minute ago, one of the Montreal defenders literally sat on one of the Sharks players for a good ten seconds. This appears to be the only way the Canadiens are able to stop the Sharks offense.

Yuri: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Sharks win 6-4! The most beautiful 6th goal scored by our new red-headed defensemen.

You know what this means? This means that sometime in April, Gino is coming to SF, wearing a Sharks jersey and admitting on camera how much better the Sharks is than Montreal. He's also going to admit how much Break a Leg is better than his two step children, Patrice Oneal Show and Dadlabs.

Woooooo.
 

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If you haven't read my previous blog, I mentioned that tonight between 7:30-10:00pm, For Your Imagination's very own creative director, Gino Tomac and I will be live-blogging my hockey team, the San Jose Sharks, playing his hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens.

Okay, I know what you're thinking -- you're thinking, I don't care about hockey. And this has nothing to do with Break a Leg. And I'm pretty sure a Shark can eat a Canadian.

These things are all true. However, you won't need much hockey knowledge to enjoy our little live-blog, as mostly, we'll be hurtling witticisms at one another (while trying our best to not make those witticisms revolve specifically about things non-hockey fans won't know about. Like icing. Or goals. Or hockey sticks) for your enjoyment.

Secondly, you're right. It's not about Break a Leg. But Break a Leg is funny. And we hope to be funny. And since we and Break a Leg are funny, then it's kind of about Break a Leg too.

Thirdly, yes. Both a real Shark and a hockey-playing shark can easily eat a Canadien.

Aside from this blog, Gino and I also have a bet that I think you'll enjoy.

If the Sharks win, Gino has to wear a San Jose Sharks jersey on camera and read a short manifesto that I will write for him.

If the Canadiens win, I will wear a Canadiens jersey and do the same thing.

And then you'll all see it and say, "Guys, that was cute, but I really, really don't care about hockey."

So, stay tuned, we'll be beginning shortly.