Fan Blog, courtesy of St. Anna Cincera
I think of myself as a pretty reasonable person. I don’t watch Flavor of Love, I disagree vehemently with just about everything our current president has ever said and I’ve never engaged in an unprompted physical altercation with a complete stranger. If you need more proof of my level-headedness, then I can’t help you. But, more to my point, there are some things that even a saint like me (pun completely and totally unintended) cannot endure. The following is a list of my pet peeves. Be they petty (they’re not) or incredibly well-founded (they are), these are the things that I simply cannot tolerate any longer. Believe me, I’ve done hours of research, and five out of five Annas agree, I don’t like these things. So, feel free to shake your head in vigorous agreement as you read along. The list goes on and on but here I’ll give you a taste of my two least favorite things as of today, March 11th.
1. Fruit inexplicably combined with other fruit
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of smoothies, but there was a call for those at some point. Average Joes started mixing them up in their own homes and the fruit, ice, and blender markets had to capitalize on the trend, quick lest the masses become too independent. No, what I’m ranting about is something far more sinister: the “Grapple.” I went to the grocery store the other day and encountered one of these abominations. I stood there for a good ten minutes imagining a scientist so torn between the desire for grapes and apples that he took it upon himself to play God (or Buddha or that Scientology alien, whoever’s in charge of fruit) and genetically splice the two. Maybe it’s just me but “splice” and “fruit” should never be that close in a sentence. Or, maybe I’m just mad because I spent nine dollars on a case of six of them and they didn’t taste good. Either way, fruit-science is on my black list.
2. People who use internet slang in everyday conversation
As much as I despise internet jargon in general, it has its place: the internet. Lest you write this off as the ramblings of a bitter old woman, let me remind you, I am a mere seventeen years of age which, of course, means that I am just naturally bitter. But, honestly, if I have to hear one more 90-pound blonde freshman girl scream “OMFG you did WHAT with UR BF?” in the hallway, I will punch her in her excitable spleen. The best way I can think to describe it is a bad habit, as most of them don’t seem to realize that they’re doing it. But, a cautionary note to those of you who regularly spout abbreviations as if they’re real words, try and tone it down in a professional setting. I can’t imagine your interviewer will have positive comments to make if you describe your past job experiences as, “OMG LYKE SO TTLY BLARGH I ALMOST SQUEED.”
That’s it for this edition. But never fear! There are endless chasms of things that annoy me and if all goes well, I’ll be gracing your eyes will my presence again soon. Until then,
Break a leg, y’all,
St. Anna
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Editor's Note: Fun story. When we finished the Pilot of Break a Leg and were shooting Episode 2, we discovered Grapples and thought they were the most ridiculous things ever made, and because they were, we decided that we absolutely had to work with the company to get Grapples in our show (Jennifer eating a grapple? Pure gold.) I contacted the company and they responded with this: "We're sorry, but Grapples is choosing to go another direction with the company."
The question, of course, was what direction? Was grapples going for guerilla marketing? Are they planning on a wide distribution campaign which is too good for an internet show? Did they just plain ol' think they're too good for us? Or, realizing the ridiculousness of their product, did they fear that we'd make fun of their deadly serious grapple, something they were not at all inclined too?
Grapple, if you're listening -- the offer stands. Let's work together, be a team, come on guys, we'll be the grapes, you'll be the apples, let's unite.
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Thanks!
-Break a Leg Team