I was on the phone with a co-worker yesterday, and he was giving me a ride to a meeting that was outside of town. He called and the conversation went something like this:
Him: What time are you coming by?
Me: What time should I be there? When do we need to head out?
Him: Well, I wanted to get there early and talk to a couple people.
Me: ...
Him: It's like, there's this bottleneck around the 280/101 merge.
Me: What time do you want me to meet you?
Him: I don't know, whenever.
Me: <seething, annoyed>
Him: Around 2?
And there it is, worthless back and forth followed by an answer. I hung up the phone, turned to my assistant, and said (more like shouted) "That was like having a conversation with a woman!"
Now don't get me wrong, I love women. They're essential. All I really wanted this guy to do was Man Up. Here's how the conversation should have gone.
Him: What time are you coming over?
Me: When do you want me over?
Him: 2.
Me: OK
Then we hang up without saying goodbye. That's how Men do it. I would then show up at 2, say (preferably from the street below, shouting to be heard through a window) "Let's go!", and we tarry forth on our merry way.
Alright, Men should probably not tarry forth on their merry way, unless you're Chad. Chad may tarry forth, given he's wearing a proper tarrying outfit.
I was at my local mall the other evening, trying to swap out my not-really-broken-but-annoyingly-marred iPhone for another (that's a whole story unto itself). There are these stupid little kiosks right down the center of the pedestrian walk where people peddle their wares, and as I passed by this particular booth twice I was each time entreated to stop and chat. I have no idea what the woman actually said, she was speaking very quickly and I wasn't listening, but it was something like "Excuse me, would you beyuenbewhdkjfjk...?"
Now on the second pass as I headed back to the parking lot, I glanced over my shoulder after I had rebuffed her, to see what she was offering. The booth said "Skin Care".
Skin care? She wasted her nonsense jibber-jabber sales pitch on me for skin care? Was she in such a hurry, or so absolutely desperate for a sale, that she failed to notice that I am A DUDE?!
Yes, granted, there are dudes that are into skin care. Maybe there are a lot of them, what do I know? I stopped watching Queer Eye after they tried the lesbian spinoff. Those hunks couldn't have metro-sexualed that many of us before the show was cancelled, could they?
Get it straight, there is nothing wrong with taking care of your skin. Wash your face, use aftershave, moisturize if you must, and by all means use sunscreen. But to stop at a kiosk in a mall? I don't even think the most metro metro-sexual would do such a thing. Kiosks are for things that you either don't really need at all, or things that you need immediately. To whit:
Here are some things that dudes do not buy at a kiosk:
Everything else sold at a kiosk is a judgment call. Do you need it right now, desperately; or is it utterly pointless and a waste of money? Both are probably OK. If it's neither of those things then you should probably just walk on by.
So this woman was wasting her breath and possible missing a true sale of her product by trying to flag me down not once, but twice.
I hope she and all other kiosk-peddlers read this and take note, learn to properly profile your customers.
I hope all men reading this remember the next time they're on the phone to keep it short, say what you have to say, then hang up before you're even done with your sentence.
I hope everyone else reads this and just knows that I'm one man, fighting against a sea of adversity, trying to make the world a little bit better one blog at a time.